What if You Still Can't Get Your Keyboard Clean???

There are always methods of cleaning your sticky keyboard which will require the complete dismantling, cleaning, and re-assembly of the keyboard, but what follows is an almost surefire method that has never (yet) let me down…

HERE'S THE SIMPLEST METHOD: Believe it or not, if you’ve used all the other methods, (and only _if_ the keyboard is not totally ruined already) you can take it to the shower. Mind you don’t get other things in it whilst you are there, hmmm? Generously douse the keyboard with liquid soap (dish soap, preferably, since it won’t leave any residue) and flush it with water as hot as you can stand for about a minute. When finished, rinse it from as many directions as you can - you can’t begin to imagine what you’re going to see float down the drain!

After following these steps DO NOT plug the keyboard into ANYTHING just yet! Vigorously shake any excess fluids out of the keyboard. Suspend the (now wet) keyboard upside down (and at a slight angle) over or near a safe heat source, such as a baseboard heater or a floor heating vent. Do not let it get so close as to endanger the device by melting it. Leave the keyboard there for at least two days. After ensuring that there is no moisture remaining whatsoever, continue to use your keyboard as normal - golfing, swordplay, and, er, yes…computing. Next time, keep it away from your soda pop, or whatever grunge you might have spilled on it.

If, for some inexplicable reason this doesn’t work; you’re still frightened to take it apart; or you can’t spring for the price of a decent used keyboard…you really should keep a spare mouse and keyboard at all times if you’re serious about computing.

Now, if you’re completely desperate, you could consider using a LIGHT solvent which doesn’t melt plastic. Since there are MANY solvents on the market (alcohol all the way to xylene) YOU must make a wise choice and then test it on the bottom of the keyboard where it won’t be noticed if it does melt the plastic. (STRONG ADVISORY: Keep completely away from the xylene - not only will it it rot your keyboard, it will also rot your brain.) Once you've spot tested the keyboard on its' sensitive underside, and you’ve found a suitably safe solvent: follow the application procedure outlined above for hot, soapy water - only no heat, and no soap! Use the solvent in a well ventilated space - say, outside - and away from any pets, children, favorite plants, etc.. When drying the solvent laden keyboard, it should dry in about half the time that it take the hot soapy water, but keep it away from any sparks, open flame or other sources of ignition. Be ENTIRELY sure that no solvent remains in the keyboard before plugging it back in - your computer and your landlord / parents / spouse / neighbors will thank you for it.

If you’ve followed all of these steps and it still doesn’t work, then I pronounce your keyboard dead. If you continue to abuse keyboards, may I recommend getting a waterproof keyboard?

(Don't try this at home kids.)